Tuesday, 13 June 2017

Feeling Loved

It's been a rough couple of weeks and there will be a lot of challenge, exhaustion and pain in my future.  But do you know what there is even more of?   LOVE! There is love in every hand squeeze,  every smile,  every little text message,  every visit, every drawing, all the bright flowers, every meal delivered to my family, all the emails, every playdate for my daughter,  every mundane task I'm helped with,  every Skype visit from those far away, every medication given and in all information, teaching and experience shared.  Love is all around! 

The cancer through out my entire abdomen is back.  So much so that the surgeon couldn't determine between bowel,  pelvic wall and tumour in my lower abdomen.   If and how far it spreads through the rest of my body is not known yet.   I am currently recovering from 9 days with no nutrition followed by surgery which has left me with in incision from lower sternum all the way down to lower abdomen,  a g-tube and an iliostomy (or poop-bag, as my daughter calls it). 

Every act of love adds a little bubblewrap bubble of love surrounding me.  I am in a love bubble and it is helping cushion me from the hard blows that life is throwing at me.

Monday, 5 June 2017

Pray even if you don't usually pray!

I'm the only case on the surgery slate for tomorrow.   The surgeon is very suspicious that this is cancer regrowth.  We are preparing for the worst and hoping and praying for the best.
Today I am surrounding myself with love,  hugs, family, friends, fresh air and sunshine!

Sunday, 4 June 2017

Practicing Patience

I'm being patient.   8 days with no food,  nasogastric tube suctioning and PICC insertion with TPN infusion(food through IV)  to start tomorrow.

Over the past number of months adhesions from previous surgery have  slowly  being tightening around my small bowel.  Now there is a partial blockage.  

You would think I would be more frustrated and annoyed.   Truthfully,  I'm relieved.  
I am relieved that they have finally figured out why I've been having slowly increasing pain since last fall. 
I'm relieved they've figured out why I've lost 30lbs over the past 4 months despite very hard work  to consume enough concentrated calories.  
I'm relieved something can be done to improve my quality of life.
Most of all, I'm relieved that they believe this is an adhesion problem not a cancer regrowth (of course they don't know for sure until surgery).

The potential plan is for a bowel resection this coming week.   Monday will be the turn around for a new attending doctor to take over.   Discussions will hopefully happen tomorrow and from that more of a plan for moving forward!